


the truth.

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Hurt, M/M, Post-Episode: s04e01 The Six Thatchers, The lying detective, fight, kind of, mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 04:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9802004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "She abandoned me! Just like you did!"





	

Everything about this situation felt so out of place, awkward and so very unlike them. They’d always had this strange kind of dynamic between the two of them. It was something that people tend to not understand. He thought back to their first ever case together, he himself had thought that they were probably both going to need some time to acclimate to the new situation. However, rather the opposite had been the case as they had just “hit it off” instantly. And ever since then they’d only become more and more accustomed to each other, learned to tolerate each other’s quirks. There were no misunderstandings, no awkward silences no unspoken grudges. Which made this situation even more uncomfortable. Sherlock had the urge to just run out the flat, the air was too thick and every second of silence was deafening, his own breaths echoed in his ears and he could feel his heartbeat in every cell of his body. It was unbearable.

The very worst thing however was looking at John. He was sat in his chair, as stoically as ever, but he just seemed to be so out of place. His features were harsh and so cold, an actual shiver creeped down Sherlock’s spine.

“How are you?” Sherlock cleared his throat, he tried to sound normal. This was something people did, right? Starting of the conversation with smalltalk to break the ice.

“What am I doing here Sherlock?” There was no hatred in his voice, which had been something that Sherlock had dreaded, to hear the same undertones in John’s voice as that night in the aquarium. But there was no affection either, John’s voice was frankly lacking any emotion whatsoever. He seemed to be utterly indifferent and that shattered Sherlock’s heart.

 _What did I do to him?_ Even when they had just met, even as John was on the high points of his sarcasm and cynicism, even after he’d found out that Sherlock had faked his death he had never been indifferent. John Watson was a man of very obvious emotions, he carried his feelings in his gestures and mimics, in the words he said and the words he left unspoken. Indifference was against his nature, yet here they were.

“I just- I just wanted to- Are you ok? Is Rosie ok?”

“We’re fine,” the words were as cold as they were final.

Sherlock knew that John’s tone made it quite obvious that further questions were unwanted. But this was his best friend, his family and Sherlock just couldn’t help himself.

“After what happened John, you can’t be fine. Let me help you.” John didn’t answer so Sherlock tried again. “John, _please_.”

“And how exactly are you going to do that, hm? I know that you didn’t kill Mary and I don’t blame you for her death. She chose to save your life. But believe me, that changes nothing about the fact that Rosie has to grow up without a mother, she won’t even have a memory of her, she will just know her from pictures. and what will people tell her about her mother, hm? What do you think? That she was a heroine, she willingly gave her life to save the great Sherlock Holmes? What about Rosie? What about me? She saved your life but _what about us_?” his voice was now shaking with anger. Just a moment ago Sherlock had wished for John to just show one emotion, but now every single one of his words felt like a whip lash.

“John, you know I never wanted -“ he was cut off mid sentence.

“You never wanted _what_? You never wanted to hurt Rosie? Destroy my family? Endanger my wife? BUT YOU FUCKING DID? Don’t you get it? You pulled her into this lifestyle. For God’s sake you even took her with you when she had Rosie? What did you think was going to happen should we ever encounter another Moriarty? But you know what the worst thing is? That I have been through this before.” His voice had lost it’s last bit of anger to the tone of utter defeat and hopelessness that made Sherlock’s heart physically ache.  
“John, I-“

“No, don’t.” It was nothing more than a whisper. “She abandoned me! Just like you did! You both decided to take your life from me. Two of the people I love most in the world, chose to sacrifice their lives over a life spent with me. And I have to live with that. ” And with that he turned to leave, tears burning in his eyes.

Now it was Sherlock who could manage nothing but a whisper. “John, I’m so sorry. For Mary. For Rosie. For everything. But don’t ever think that I would not choose you over anything or anyone else. John Watson, you keep me right. You cannot walk away. I don’t think I could survive that.”

John had stopped but he was still facing the stair case. His laughter was bitter and cynical. “You are Sherlock Holmes. You don’t need anyone. I am the idiot that makes you look more clever, the short “friend” to make you look more imposing, the ordinary man to make you the extraordinary genius. Anyone could do that, you don’t need me. You never did. God knows why you even kept me around for so long.” Words spoken to cause injury, and John Watson never misses a target.

“How…how could you think that, John. You are my best friend, my only friend.”

“Ah so maybe that’s why. I was the only one stupid enough to move in with you and listen to all your-“

“I love you.” This was it, now there was no way back.

John had frozen into place, he did not even seem to breathe.

“I never even thought I was capable of feeling the way I feel and then when I finally came to terms with it I was too scared to tell you. To tell anyone, maybe even to fully admit it to myself. But it is the truth. And whatever you decide to do now, I needed you to know. I love you, John Watson.”

“You utter cock!” John had turned around and was now facing Sherlock once again, who couldn’t bring himself to meet John’s eyes. “After all this time? _NOW_ you’re telling me?”

 _And while Sherlock was still trying to prepare for what was about to happen next; this the last time he was ever going to see John and Rosie? Was John going to hit him?_ ; John crossed the room and linked their lips. The kiss had nothing sweet and innocent about it, it was angry, longing and filled with all the chances they had missed to take over the years and yet it was so full of love.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated!


End file.
